Wilcox Shakewell

Last summer a 16 year old boy taught me something that I will never forget. "It is what it is." he would follow most of his most offensive observations with that simple phrase and to me, it just seemed to make it alright. It really was what it really was; Things really were that way and people needed to accept it and move on. MOVE ON. I gotta do that.

It's been over a year since I last blogged. It is what it is.

A few weeks ago I found myself bored and alone at my sisters house with my very talkative and eccentric aunt. I decided it would be fun to grab my sissy's laptop and google myself and my user name. I found old comments and remarks I have left on various blogs. I even found links to an old Wordpress blog I had once upon a time in another life. That life being the one where I was filled with so much gumption and feistiness to fight the injustices of society against the fatties of the world... Sometimes I wish I still knew that feisty me, at least then I was actually fighting for something and not dwelling on things I can't really change. Well, it is what it is. Time to move on. :-)

Nowadays I don't really know what the point of my own blog is... In the past I was doing my best to provide a resource and to provide a place of acceptance, inspiration, and motivation. Eh... Maybe I can do that again, just in a different way.

I reread my last blog entry; it was written by a different me. A me from before I knew that what I thought was pretty crappy could actually get worse. The woes of Dad and D are now mostly lost in what appears to be endless silence from them... But I think about everything, everyday, all the time. The "end" of those relationships have impacted me in ways I have no idea how to deal with or understand. I pray for them each night, I pray that they find peach and love and stronger faith and happiness - with honest desire for them to have those things. I doubt they even think about me that much. I know that I need to forgive and move on... Not for them but for me. I just don't know how. In addition to all of that wonder... Frontier School is a dream I still will reach eventually, just not very soon.

My blog used to be titled "When I Grow Up..." And recently, I have realized that I am a grown up! Fancy that. Grown ups are just big, lost kids trying to serve their God, pay their rent, find someone to love them, and end up in a place that makes them feel like home.

I guess now that I'm a grown up, you'll all just have to watch me try and get myself out of non-sense and into a better understanding of our God.... While also desperately learning some form of balance. And lucky internet-folk, you get to comment on it.


1 Peter 5:7 - Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.


-Giddy