Paddy Cake, Paddy Cake, Bakers Man!

*Happy Dance*

Eeks! I know it's been a few days, I'm sorry. :-P

Good news though, three days after my "interview" at Great Harvest I called Brian - he claims he lost my phone number that's why he didn't call me. (Uh huh... *nods*) Annnnd now I'm scheduled to go in on Wednesday at 6am for an "audition" to help them determine if they REALLY want me to work in their bakery. I'm incredibly excited.


Yesterday, I went to my Sisters house in Olympia. She invited me over to have a little fun. She assumed I needed some after I called her on Friday having a bit of a melt down at work. Sometimes, sitting in that chair gets to me and I feel like I'm gonna jump out of my skin. Since I moved back in with Dad and D. I'm pretty sure I've become a little depressed and sometimes I feel a little crazy. However, I'm sure that I am still leaps and bounds away from being dependent on zoloft and prozac... So, I still have that going for me.

Tomorrow I only work 5 hours due to the MLK birthday, because I'll be home early and due to the fact that we don't have cable and will not be watching the inauguration... Dad, D. and I will be setting up my budget and schedule for getting my finances in order before going to school; the sooner we start, the better. *sigh* Yeah, it's gonna be loads of fun! Also on the subject of school preparation, I've created my first draft of my testimony to send with my application. I'll post it in a separate blog; I'd love some feedback, y'know if you think I should include anything more or less...


Well now I have to pee, good night!

-Gideon

Grumpzilla Attacks!

*grumpy noises*

Operation "Brian the poopy manager from the bakery didn't call me back" has commenced. Yep, no call, not one, not all day... Oh well, I'm sure I'll hear back like next Tuesday when he remembers I exist and calls me to tell me they found someone else. Boosh! I put way too many of my hopeful'ness eggs in the Great Harvest basket. I'm sure God will show me his plan in everything that is happening. I need prayer not to be so gosh darn grumpy about it.


In other news, I've decided to cancel my myspace.com account. I hardly use it for reasons other than posting lame pictures of myself, snooping on acquaintances, and judging my self worth based off my location in that one cute guys "Top 8". It's time to simplify and streamline. Simplifying your life is step #2 in my program, "Ms. Friday's steps to becoming a better you!". Step #1 of course being "Determine your true dreams.". I think Step #3 is "Pay off your debt" or possibly "Get your parents to pay for your higher education". Both seem like very good options. Back to the whole deleting my myspace business.... I posted a 2 month warning and am sending a wicked awesome form letter to all the people that I REALLY want to stay in contact with. I think this will be a good thing.


Tonight after work I drove over to Graham to visit my two favorite brother friends Eric and Justin. Once upon a time, Eric an I dated for about a month... I have no excuse for it. When it all comes down to it Eric's a nice dude and I only dated him because it made more sense then me scoping on Justin who's 2 years younger than myself; Regardless of the fact that I had the most monstrous crush on Justin - and I think I still kind of do. But, let's not focus on this random trivia let's focus on what I was intending to talk about here. I went on over to their humble abode to take their mother The Princess Paulla a reference form to fill out for me and my application needs. Paulla is a great person, she's been in my life for a very long time. She, after my sister was the closest thing I had to a supportive parental figure all through high school, I love her like she's my mom. The whole application process is making me SOOO nervous! Sometime this week I have write out my testimony for the application. I'll post it, once I have it done. For now though, I'm going to sleep, tomorrow is Sunday school and church time.

Sweet Dreams!

-Giddy

Bakeries and Step-Mom's

Alright, Operation "Deliver Resume To Bakery #1" has been initiated. I took my resume to Brian, the manager of Great Harvest Breads up the wiz-ay in Federal Way. He let me know they are hiring for someone to work about 35hrs a week.

*Happy Dance*

He said he would look over my info and then call me on Saturday... That's tomorrow... or technically later today. I'm a little nervous, I can't wait to hear back from Brian. He explained that there is an "interview" process where I would come in to the bakery for a 5 hour shift and see if I like it. If I do, then he'll decide if he's gonna hire me. Man, I hope Brian likes me!

In other news.... Let's imagine my Thursday night... We've just completed a week of weird, stuffy interaction with the step-mo' and the dad. You didn't see either them all day on Wednesday because you were out all day with the friend they refused to let you have come over to the house to meet them because they thought it was "...not ready for guests."... Now you walk in to the apartment around 9:25pm toting some delicious Jack in The Box, "Hey, can you come into the office please?" you hear D call from the office. "Uh, yeah. Let me drop my stuff and take off my shoes, I'll be right there."

You walk into the office.... There is a total soberness over the two people sitting at their own respective computers, facing away from each other. Dad say's "Did you still want to go to Frontier?" "Si!" I said, I have no idea why I answered in Spanish, but I did, true story. "Why?" I added. "Well, we were thinking..." Says D "...did you want to tell her? or should I Papa?" (Yeah, D call's my dad Papa or Papa Bear, right in front of me. *gags a little*)

*me gets nervous!*

"Ohhhh! They hate living with me! They're gonna ask me if I really want to live with them again! " I thought....

"Well.." Says D "...would you want to go in August?"

*Pees pants!*

Well, boring long story, short and less boring... Tonight when I got home from working -sitting on my butt all day- we spent about 2 hours filling out my application. :-) I'm attempting to be accepted for the fall semester in August! *Happy Dance*




Love,

Gideon


Mood: Restful/Sleepy
Weight: 297lbs
Feeling: Grateful!
Exclamation: Oh praise be to the God who hears my heart. I do not understand you, but I am grateful for your love! *mwah*

The Wonders of The Interwebs!

Tonight while watching Strange Brew I was trying out all sorts new hair styles via TheHairStyler.com.

Here is my best impression of a obese Katie Holmes... Maybe a little more Suri than Katie...



Here is my next best impression, obese Hillary Duff circa 2004...


Sexeh, I knows it!






Man, this website has got me hooked! Suuuure it's $15 for a 3 month enrollment, but... really with the hours of fun it's provided me, I'd gladly pay it again.



Not only do you get to try out all sorts of fun, serious, goofy, and delightful new looks, the website gives you info on how to maintain your lovely new tresses. WONDERFUL!




Purple faux-hawk for the win!

Yeah, not my best look...




So, the purple hawk is not my thang...

Maybe I could be a fiery pistol of a lady? Eh? Maybe then I would get all the ladies.









This kind of reminds me of those old cartoons of the future. You know the ones that show women walking to salons, some giant futuristic mechanism clamps onto her head for a few moments, and then she walks out with an all new, yet modernly ridiculous hair do - or don't.



Here's my 2 favorites... Mmmmhmm lucious locks!


Haha! I can't make a serious face to save my life...













Hmm... So many hair choices, hardly any hair time!

Tomorrow, I'm meeting with the Manager of Great Harvest Bread Co. I'm taking him my resume!


Good Night!


Love, Ms. Friday

Today Safeway... Tomorrow, who knows!

Gender: Girly-Kinda
Hunger-o-meter: Rumbly
Weight: Not as much as last time, but still more than the time before.
General Emotion State: Exhausted and Stressed


Recently I sat down to figure out what my dream job/career/life would need to include for me to feel happy with existence. D (Also know and unforgiving step-mother) said that I should try making a pyramid of what I want to get out of the career I will have one day; "What do you want to be the foundation? What is the root of your happiness?"

Blew, blah, blah, bo blew... Okay, it was a pretty good idea coming from D I admit. But instead of a pyramid, I made a cake! A layer cake, a deliciously moist, crumbly carrot cake with cream cheese frosting. (Of course all of those specific's are pure fantasy.)

I drew it on the back of the paper towel I had used as a napkin at dinner, which I think makes it almost like I wrote it on the back of napkin. How very artsy and poetic of me. I kind of feel like I should be sitting in a underground coffee shop right now, listening to indie rock, and desperately trying to debate that the French authorities should extend the universal jurisdiction of French courts to all crimes of genocide and such... Later, years from now when I'm retelling the story about how I found the true path to total job satisfaction; I will probably place myself at a dark, back table of a cafe, nursing a warm bottle of locally micro-brewed beer, feeling down on my luck. But for now, lets just move on, here it is... lovely, I know...

If you can't read it, it goes:

Satisfaction
Team Work
Variety
Serving/Relationships
FUN

So, I need to figure out what encompasses all of those things and that's what I'll do with my life! I figure I know two things: I hate my current job and I love making pies. I have no baking job experience, with exception of a few years volunteering for church camp during the summer as a Chef (which included baking and learning to scramble approximately 50 eggs at one time.), and I sure do have some gusto!

The tally lies like this, as of current. I've applied at Albertson's and Safeway, I'm applying at Top Foods right now, tomorrow I'm calling all the local bakeries in and around town. Maybe I want to be a baker, I've always wanted to work in a bakery, even when I was a wee little sprite. Before I go off to school to learn a trade I may or may not enjoy, I'm gonna immerse myself in it.

Here's to the dream!

-Giddy


UPDATE: Top Foods - Not currently hiring in my area... *pouts*

Baker?

I went book shopping on Sunday, after church with the family... I spent too much money, I have a book addiction. I think it's safe to say that Half Price Books is the equivalent of a crack dealer to a book addict... Library's are the gate way drug.


So, my dad and step-mom have been really trying to get me to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. The only thing I can truly determine about what I want from a future career is that it better not be in a huge company - working in a call center. (Seriously, I think I'm getting office chair sores on my thighs and I have a permanent feeling of a foam earpiece on my right ear. I call it the "phantom head-set".)

I've always thought that either working in a library or in a bakery would be pretty awesome. Maybe I could pursue one of those as a career...

Tomorrow, I will apply for some jobs, right now... I'm going to sleep.

-Gideon

Once upon a time.... I was a Fat Activist!

Once upon a time I use to be a Fat Activist... I even had my own blog that was mildly popular within the "Fat-o-Sphere". I say use to be, because I'm not anymore. I still support body acceptance and I support NAAFA, the way fat people are treated is absolutely scandalous! But, I cannot with good conscience claim to be satisfied with my own body or run around telling everyone to accept how they are when I can't accept my own body.

I've had quite a few people ask me why I stopped writing my blog. My usual response is that I just haven't had the drive to do it, which is partially true. The reason for the lack of drive is the part that I've left out. I was living a lie, I'm not a fat rights activist... I cannot go on trying to say that I've found this amazing internal peace with my body, when I in fact have not.

I went in to The FAM (Fat Acceptance Movement) a lot like a social misfit finds their way into the accepting arms of a cult. It was easy, there was love in the FAM and after years of self hate, dieting, feeling lost and broken, it was easy to turn to a group of people that told me I was fine the way that I was, that I was beautiful, that I was worthy of love, and that everyone who had ever told me I was ugly or stupid, was wrong. Instead of dealing my internal issues I moved from one area of hiding to a new and improved area; Being part of the FAM gave me permission to have all sorts of new extroverted behavior, that I never felt allowed to have before.

Right now, I know that I am beautiful, I know that I am worthy of love, I know that I have a great personality, and that I have the ability to be even more awesome in the future! But, I'm not happy with my body, in fact I hate it. I look at myself and see someone that I know the world does not. I know that my friends and family see that person too, to an extent. However, the world does not, I am defined by my fat body. I feel uncomfortable, I feel sick, and I feel like I'm some how hiding within my self.

During my stint with The FAM, I wrote a lot about the correlation of fatness and health, I still stand firm on my beliefs in that aspect, there is no direct connection showing that all fat people are unhealthy. I do know that I am unhealthy. Maybe not totally unhealthy in the physical aspect of things, but mentally. The more I read, the more I learn about obesity and eating disorders, the more I realize that I have an eating disorder; part emotional eating, part a simple "need" for delicious, delicious curly fries.

Deep down inside I just feel this almost ever growing insatiable hunger. I just want to eat! I want to eat everything! (Well, I want to eat everything that's delicious, I don't really ever have a strong craving for broccoli or asparagus.) Since I've moved back in with Dad and step-mom, August, I've been on a diet at least 4 or 5 times, I just keep trying, I just keep going to the gym, I still keep trying to watch my portions, and I still remain fat because I still somehow always end up at McDonalds. While going through the drive-thur, (I expertly order my #12, large size, with diet. "Would you like sauce with that?" the man/lady always asks and I respond in a clear and practiced manner "Two sweet n' sour's and two hot mustard's.") the whole time feeling like I'm in some type of out-of-body experience. In my brain I'm shouting "UHHH I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE, WHY AM I HERE? DRIVE AWAY, DRIVE AWAY!!!" I just keep going, like I have no control, I eat without really tasting it. I feel guilty after eating the nasty, greasy food. Somehow though, it makes me feel whole in a way I can't explain, a temporary wholeness.

I haven't found a solution to this feeling yet, I'm praying though.


-Gideon